If there's one thing I know about myself, it's that I'm kind of a control freak. It happened gradually, I think, and peaked after college. I think it's a big reason why I don't enjoy drinking, or other "substances" that make my head unclear. It's why I usually prefer to drive, why I'd rather do things for myself, and why I have such a hard time being patient with our dogs.
The reason I mention this is because of my absense this past month. Shortly after my ultrasound, I had what we're now calling, a bad sugar crash. Let me get techy on you (or skip these next few paragraph if you're not interested!
When we eat sugar or carbs, it translates to glucose in our bloodstream. Glucose is what powers us. Our pancreas then releases insulin. The glucose is the adventurer. The insulin is the key. The cells in our body are the treasure. Glucose cant enter our cells without insulin. Diabetics sometimes take insulin shots because their bodies can't produce the amount required.
Okay. So, as a pregnant woman, my body is producing extra of pretty much everything, including insulin. What happens is that when I eat sugar/carbs, my body over-produces insulin, and the glucose very quickly moves into the cells, leaving my blood with very little glucose left. Blood sugar! So that's a sugar crash.
To combat this, I put myself on a strict diet. While simple sugars and carbs (white bread, added sugar, etc) empty from your bloodstream faster, slower-acting carbs (whole wheat bread, veggies, etc) are released into your bloodstream a lot slower, keeping blood sugar levels normal. Tada!
Okay, sorry for the biology lesson! Anyway, changing to a super healthy diet was a great move either way, but I was extremely anxious and stressed out about the whole situation. Stress sucks away blood sugar! So I had a really rough couple of weeks trying to regulate my body. I withdrew from everything, and felt pretty bleak. I was depressed a lot, and dreaded the amount of time left until she would be born. After awhile, the anxiety subsided, and I started to not feel so awful about my situation. Now that I'm eating a really great diet, I feel great but I can treat myself too, if I'm careful!
However, there again comes the control issue. I eat healthy normally because it's my choice. I exercise because it's my choice. HAVING to do it is entirely different. Being pregnant is all about being out of control. Your body is doing all these crazy things that you just have to accept, and while the rewards are great, what people don't seem to realize is how very LONG 9 months is. It's hard to constantly be brimming with excitement like people seem to expect.
It's hard for me to be patient. I really miss my workouts. Slow cardio is not my thing, and I can see and feel myself getting weaker. I know I can gain it all back, but the waiting and waiting! Now that my eating is being controlled too, it doubles the frustration. I've just learned to be kind of zen about it all. I'm used to being in control of my body, but that's just not the case, at least not for another 16 weeks (and don't even say that's not very long!)
ANYWAY! I don't want to sound ungrateful or unhappy. I'm happy to be pregnant, and I'm excited for Pepper to be here, but I don't think I'll want to go through this again. I just can't WAIT to push my body again, lay on my stomach, drink a whole milkshake, run 5k, and eat SUSHI again! :D
23 weeks, 2 days